A Day in the life of Heather; an Eternity in the life of John

So I got past finals and things have been relatively less hectic, until The Weekend. Heather's mom bought Heather a ticket to fly to Connecticut for her sister's law school graduation. This happened quickly, and then I realized that would leave me alone with the kids Saturday, Sunday and Monday, with Heather arriving home late Monday night. I could sense Heather was a little concerned about how I would make out, but I shrugged it off, and looked forward to spending some "one-on-one" time with the kids. Deep down I was a little concerned, but after all, how hard could it be? We were going to have a great time.

Well, after cleaning the church, running errands and soccer games, yesterday was hard. In fact, Ashley missed her primary activity because I underestimated the time needed to do everything, and by 2:30, we hadn't had lunch or naps. I needed to do some work on a law review application, but after all the kids were asleep and my lesson for Sunday was finished, I just couldn't do it. I was bushed.

Heather has sometimes tried to explain her experiences and feelings to me about how difficult it is to be the care-giver full-time. I listen, and I understand some of it, but this weekend has floored me. During the school year, I woke up at 4:00 am and studied, tried to exercise, got ready, and commuted an 1 1/2 hour by train to DC, and then Metro out another 1/2 hr to school. I studied on the train and metro both ways, and I was always very busy at school. When I came home, I was tired, and tried to help with dinner and get the kids bathed and in bed. Then we cleaned up and crawled into bed. I was always tired, and I pushed myself hard to be productive with the time I had. I believed my routine was difficult; but now I am embarrassed.

I am so glad I can be with the kids; they are so fun, and we have a great time. But being the administrator, servant, cook, maid, chauffeur, babysitter, corrections officer, judge, jury, mediator, referee, fan, religious mentor, doctor, nutrition specialist, waiter, decorator, playmate, psychologist, entomologist, quick-change artist, requires so much mental, physical and emotional effort and energy, and those don't even include all of the other things that don't have names, like when you comfort a child that is scared or hurt, or when you read stories or sing songs before bed. Incredibly, all those things and more are encompassed in the word "mother." I think a great injustice is committed upon Motherhood when it is looked down upon or sneered at as an "occupation," given that it doesn't require any specialized degree or lofty resume. Surely, as Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated, "[t]his is the work of eternity."1. Since this "occupation" has eternal implications, unlike even most high-profile moral jobs, clearly more effort is required in order to accomplish it. I just didn't realize how much effort really goes into it on the mother's side until this "fun" weekend.

Heather has now been gone for 1 day, 6 hours and 32 minutes, so we are about halfway through. We are out of pizza, and the mac and cheese is running low. The last chocolate popsicle just disappeared, and the kids are sick of single-item meals. But I just found some hot dogs in the freezer, and we have at least two more days of cereal and milk left, so we should make it (and hopefully the kids won't rat me out to Mom about what they have been eating for three days.)

Though cliche, the phrase, "I don't know how you do it" pretty much sums up my prognosis of this thankless, though all-important, work. I can't imagine doing this day after day after day.

I have learned a lot from this whole experience, and I now appreciate a little more a day in the life of Heather. She is amazing, and this daily routine is probably not unique to her. Full-time Mothers should get medals and standing ovations for their work.

After this very stressful, yet educational, weekend, I plan to inform Heather the #1 thing I learned while she was gone: Next time, I'm going with you!

1 Dallin H. Oaks, Love and Law, Liahona, Nov 2009, 26-29

Delayed update

So law school has not been kind to the blogger in me, obviously. It has been all I can do to be a somewhat existent father and husband as well. But with only one more final to go, perhaps it is time to correct my blog negligence.

So much has happened during the past months. Ashley is going to preschool and loves it. She has been the "star student" several times, and her teachers love her. She has also become very good friends with the little girl next door, and they are even in the same preschool class. Although she is usually very helpful and obedient, we have a new rule that she is not allowed to have the attitude of a 14 yr old until she is 14.



Isaac continues to be a charming little boy, causing adults and little girls alike to fall in love with him. He and Ashley have become great friends and usually get along well.

Sicily is growing fast, and she is learning how to talk. She has also sped up her waddle, making it harder to catch her. She especially finds a boost of speed just after you turn your back to get her clothes or her diaper. She has a nearly incessant grin, and loves to feel grown-up.

Heather has somehow managed practicially all of our affairs single-handedly, and it is hard to say which of us is looking forward to my break more. She has made friends with most of our neighbors, and at least two nights out of every week we have someone visiting for dinner.

We continue to love the house we are living in, even though it is pretty far removed from any commercial civilization. It has provided a literal haven for our family, and we wouldn't trade it for anything. The house is big enough for the kids to play in when it is bad weather, and there is so much to do outside when the weather is nice. We have a wood burning fire place, and besides the Good Word, splitting firewood has become part of my law school therapy. It is amazing how chopping something with an extra weighted axe can erase stress and anxiety and just make you feel better.

We'll try to post more often than every quarter, but sadly, we make no promises. Attached are a few of our favorite pictures since we have been living here:

We're not in Kansas anymore (or Utah, or Pittsburgh)...

Well, due to the recent neglect that our blog has experienced during the past several months, we will now try to revive our waning Internet social postings. And there is a lot to post.

Last Friday we moved to Lovettsville, VA, and although we realize the built-in cliche, we can't help but say, we "love it" in "Lovetts"-ville!

This came after long months of expecting and planning on going to Pittsburgh for law school, where we had a nice house chosen, and a scholarship to help with tuition. Two and a half weeks before we were to leave (rental truck already reserved), BYU Law calls us up and all but extends an offer if we can commit that we will go there. We say yes, until the next day, I email them back and tell them no. It just didn't feel right for us, although BYU is a much better school than Pittsburgh. So life is back to normal...Until a week later (a week and a half before we leave) George Mason Law (in Virginia) calls and extends an offer. We had a much different feeling about this school than BYU, and we were so excited and accepted.

So we keep our moving date, cancel the house and school in Pittsburgh (good-bye scholarship), and extend our route by a few hundred miles to Washington D.C. Bless Heather's heart. Now we have no home or substantial immediate plans. So, 2100 miles and 7 hotel-nights later, Heather, me and three tired but great kids found an answer to prayer.

It is a beautiful house on a beautiful property in Northern Virginia. Heather had spoken with the homeowner before we left, and for some reason, our conversations and thoughts kept coming back to it, although I wrote it off from the start because of the distance to law school. But, many prayers and answers later, we have moved into a dream house, and we love it. The owner, Hoa, has been so kind to us - providing transit options, area attractions, neighbor introductions and much more. She has become our good friend, and we feel so lucky to be able to work with such a great person.

Law school starts for me on Thursday, and I am really excited. Heather and the kids are having fun in horse country, and getting to spread their wings a little. I had to sell my classic 1966 Ford truck that I restored (one of the saddest days of my adult life) and I bought an older, cheap little convertible to get me back and forth to the bus which takes me to the metro, which gets me to the law school.

Sorry for the late and quick update - I will try to be a little more consistent.

Change in the Wind...

So...I haven't posted anything for a while. Here is a quick catch-up on our family.

Heather is doing well in her pre-masters courses, though they require a ridiculous amount of time and energy. Heather has teamed up with a couple in the class, and they are all doing well.

I am still waiting to hear back from law schools. Waiting for the letters drives me almost as crazy as it does Heather.

While calling our rental agency about installing something in our house, we were informed that this townhouse we have been living in was just put on the market. This was certainly unexpected, and now we don't know when we will have to leave, or how much notice we will have, not to mention where we will go. But we know something will work out.

Ashley is loving her ballet class, and is learning a dance to a "Mary Poppins" song, which has been really fun, as we recently rented the movie and the kids love it. They even make Heather and I pretend we are Mary Poppins and Bert (respectively, of course) so they can be Jane and Micheal. I'm afraid Heather is much better at it than I am.

Isaac turned two in February, and he had a little birthday party with only his cousins. He has picked up an affinity for cars, especially Lightening McQueen. Paired with any type of ball, he always has his arms full walking around the house.

Sicily is still as sweet as ever, and has started eating solid foods, much to her delight. She is the cutest ball of Happy I have ever seen.

I'll try to post a little more often.

New Year - New Lives

This year has brought a lot of changes for our family. Heather just started prerequisite classes for a Masters in Public Policy at BYU. They are challenging classes, but she is doing very well. She is also studying to take the GRE on Saturday. She will do so well. She is also still working from home for the Family Leader Network.

I just started working for a company in Orem, doing inventory management systems. It is interesting, and will be challenging as well. I have applied at several law schools, and should hear back from them in February or March.

Little Ashley is 3 years old going on 18. She is a great helper with the baby, and tells us she has 5 children of her own. She loves playing Mary and Baby Jesus, dressing up as Cinderella or a ballerina, and dancing in the kitchen with her papa. Her dynamic personality lends itself to be the sweetest thing you have ever met, or a firecracker that shakes the house. She started ballet in the fall and absolutely loves it.

Little Isaac will turn 2 in February, though if you ask him, he says he's 4. He talks up a storm, and most days will find him and Ashley talking to Grandpa Glenn, Grandma Ann, Uncle Jake, Cinderella, Grandma Cathy, cousin Molly and nameless others on their little play phones. Isaac also likes riding his little car he got from Santa, reading books, and running and screaming around the house with Ashley. He is adorable, and he plays the part so well, his mother can hardly ever get upset with him.

Little Sicily is our Angel-Baby. Heather said we can have 12 more if they are all like her (though I am not so sure about that proposition). She is usually so happy, and loves to snuggle, sleep and smile. Recently, she has become very impatient as she watches us eat meals, and when in range, will reach out to grab whatever food is passing by. She loves eating more solid foods once in a while, though at the end it appears as if the food had exploded in front of her face.

We will try to keep this somewhat current.