Well, after cleaning the church, running errands and soccer games, yesterday was hard. In fact, Ashley missed her primary activity because I underestimated the time needed to do everything, and by 2:30, we hadn't had lunch or naps. I needed to do some work on a law review application, but after all the kids were asleep and my lesson for Sunday was finished, I just couldn't do it. I was bushed.
Heather has sometimes tried to explain her experiences and feelings to me about how difficult it is to be the care-giver full-time. I listen, and I understand some of it, but this weekend has floored me. During the school year, I woke up at 4:00 am and studied, tried to exercise, got ready, and commuted an 1 1/2 hour by train to DC, and then Metro out another 1/2 hr to school. I studied on the train and metro both ways, and I was always very busy at school. When I came home, I was tired, and tried to help with dinner and get the kids bathed and in bed. Then we cleaned up and crawled into bed. I was always tired, and I pushed myself hard to be productive with the time I had. I believed my routine was difficult; but now I am embarrassed.
I am so glad I can be with the kids; they are so fun, and we have a great time. But being the administrator, servant, cook, maid, chauffeur, babysitter, corrections officer, judge, jury, mediator, referee, fan, religious mentor, doctor, nutrition specialist, waiter, decorator, playmate, psychologist, entomologist, quick-change artist, requires so much mental, physical and emotional effort and energy, and those don't even include all of the other things that don't have names, like when you comfort a child that is scared or hurt, or when you read stories or sing songs before bed. Incredibly, all those things and more are encompassed in the word "mother." I think a great injustice is committed upon Motherhood when it is looked down upon or sneered at as an "occupation," given that it doesn't require any specialized degree or lofty resume. Surely, as Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated, "[t]his is the work of eternity."1. Since this "occupation" has eternal implications, unlike even most high-profile moral jobs, clearly more effort is required in order to accomplish it. I just didn't realize how much effort really goes into it on the mother's side until this "fun" weekend.
Heather has now been gone for 1 day, 6 hours and 32 minutes, so we are about halfway through. We are out of pizza, and the mac and cheese is running low. The last chocolate popsicle just disappeared, and the kids are sick of single-item meals. But I just found some hot dogs in the freezer, and we have at least two more days of cereal and milk left, so we should make it (and hopefully the kids won't rat me out to Mom about what they have been eating for three days.)
Though cliche, the phrase, "I don't know how you do it" pretty much sums up my prognosis of this thankless, though all-important, work. I can't imagine doing this day after day after day.
I have learned a lot from this whole experience, and I now appreciate a little more a day in the life of Heather. She is amazing, and this daily routine is probably not unique to her. Full-time Mothers should get medals and standing ovations for their work.
After this very stressful, yet educational, weekend, I plan to inform Heather the #1 thing I learned while she was gone: Next time, I'm going with you!
1 Dallin H. Oaks, Love and Law, Liahona, Nov 2009, 26-29
